If you hurt someone, it’s not easy to apologize. Despite the fact that it is difficult to step over your pride and apologize, but it will be worth it if you manage to restore the relationship. You are already on the right track if you want to resolve the situation instead of ignoring it. Now you only have to choose the right way to apologize and recover everything. The following steps will tell you how to start rebuilding an affected relationship.
Think of what happened
Look at what happened objectively. Is everything clear? If you were to blame and the other person is right? Or are you dealing with a more difficult situation? The situation is much more complicated and confusing if you do not know who and what is to blame. Think about what happened and decide what you need to apologize for.
If you are clear about your guilt, the situation is simplified for you, although this does not mean that it will be easy for you to apologize. For example, if you took someone’s car and scratched it, then it’s pretty clear how you should apologize.
On the other hand, the problem may not be so obvious. For example, you and your friend haven’t spoken in months because you both insulted each other, leading your relationship to a dead end. It can be difficult to understand how the conflict began and who is to blame.
Show your mixed feelings. When you have offended someone, you may not feel completely guilty. People tend to hide their guilt, acting aggressively and defensively, justifying their act. It may not be easy to openly admit your guilt, but if you want to apologize to someone, you should focus on how to do things right and not complicate the situation even more. Ask yourself the following questions to understand your feelings:
Are you afraid to look insignificant in the eyes of others, admitting your guilt? Do not be afraid, admitting his guilt, you, on the contrary, will look better in the eyes of others.
You know you made a mistake, but you’re trying to hide it to protect your reputation? This will only harm yourself, creating a reputation as an evil and stubborn person.
Are you worried that this is a struggle between self-respect and respect for others?
Put yourself in the place of the one you’ve wronged. What does he think about this situation? Do you think he’s as angry and angry as you are? Try for a moment to look at what happened through the eyes of another person.
Change your attitude to the situation. If you still feel anger, resentment and bewilderment, or you just got tired of everything, understand that your relationship with another person is much more important than your rightness.
Write down on paper the reasons why you need to apologize. Transfer your emotions to a piece of paper. This will help you to understand the situation in more detail and understand how to fix it.
Admit your faults. Change arrogance to sincerity.
Even if you think you’re both to blame, be higher and wiser than this situation.
Now look carefully at the reasons you have described. What particularly catches your eye? If you can reproduce something? For example, you can find examples of situations where you have behaved selfishly towards that person or other people. The situation itself may not be as important as your negative attitude, so pay attention to this aspect, as apologizing you should be able to convey to the person that you understood it.
Apologize from the bottom of your heart. If you are still angry, it is better to postpone the conversation for a while. It is not necessary to apologize to someone if you are still not cool with emotions. Your apology won’t be sincere.
If necessary, allow yourself time to cool down and allow time to heal. But do not wait too long, because the longer you keep the anger and the longer you will not trust, the more difficult it will be to restore the relationship.
Recognize that you have done wrong and that it is time to rectify the situation that has arisen as a result of your action. To admit is not to accept. It means accepting things as they are.
Understand that it’s okay to feel anger at first, but don’t use your anger as an excuse. Remember, this is about your mistake, not your allegedly tarnished reputation.
Decide what to do to correct your mistake. Go beyond the desire to hide your guilt and better think about how to fix it. Everyone has different ways to apologize, and only you can know what to do to make things right.
Sometimes, apologizing just means stepping over your pride and apologizing for your behavior.
Sometimes the damage requires more than an apology. You can take back what you said and show that you’re sorry. For example, if you have damaged someone’s property, compensation will help to smooth the blame.
Plan your actions
Decide what to say. Rehearsing a complex conversation before it starts will help you keep your emotions under control at the right time. Review your list again, think about where you might do otherwise, and find solutions for your future actions. Then prepare mentally your speech or write on paper what you will have to say when talking to this person. Be aware of the following:
Be ready to take responsibility for your action. It would be nice if you initially dwell on your mistakes and accept them. This will set the right tone for the conversation. You can start by saying “ ” I’m sorry I hurt you. I was wrong to think / say / do and so on.” If you admit you’re wrong, you’ll defuse the situation.
Keep in mind that if you have already offended this man, and he has already heard your apology, then this time, words of regret will not be enough. The word “sorry ” would be too small if it wasn’t backed up by action. Think about how to Express a sincere regret about a mistake that you make not for the first time.
Meet the man face to face. Even if it is possible to apologize by phone or e-mail, it is much more correct to do it face to face. This will show your willingness to be with this person again.
If you have to make amends to a family member you haven’t seen in a long time, try to meet in neutral territory, not at someone’s home. This will avoid the tension that may arise in the territory of one of you.
If you can’t meet in person, then it’s better to write a letter by hand rather than send it by email or phone.
Apologies. Tell the person you want to make amends to about your mistake and start a discussion. Keep in mind the following:
Aim that, after your conversation, your relationship will become even stronger than it was before.
Watch your movements, voice, body position. If you really regret, then all these things should help you convey your sincerity. Eye contact is a good sign that you are saying what you think and are not trying to avoid your interlocutor or hide the truth of the offense.
Avoid starting sentences with the word “you.” Instead, say “I feel”,” I think”,” I believe”,” I thought ” and so on. You don’t have to discuss what he did.
Avoid even a hint of excuses. So you can start the confrontation again.
Be simple and concise. Long apologies can lead to confusion. Your statements must be clear and effective. None of you will want to be stuck for a whole day in this unpleasant situation.
Let the other person speak. Try not to talk about his feelings or views. Even if you tried to put yourself in his place, you all acted according to your beliefs. Give him space, time and freedom to Express his feelings and refrain from making remarks, even if you think some of his arguments are unfair.
Support words with action. The expression of genuine regret will be much more effective if you accompany it with promises. Start by suggesting ways to repair the damage. For example, if you broke something, then offer to buy a new one; if you offended a person, list his good side and say that you said it all just because you were jealous of his achievements; if you spoiled some event-offer to organize a new one. Whether it’s money, time, or attention you’ve taken from someone, make sure to get it back.
Explain how you are going to make the change. If you can somehow confirm your words, then do it. For example, you could say that you will never ride a Quad bike again after you have maimed someone’s sheep, and show your ad for the sale of the Quad bike.
Be honest in telling the other person about the lessons you have learned from this situation. This will help him understand that you really learned a lesson and repent of what happened.
If necessary, you can also make a deal with the person you promise. This is an extreme measure, the effectiveness and necessity of which depend on the degree and depth of your guilt. For example, you could say, “If I don’t fulfill my promise, you can sell my Star Trek collection.”
Ask the other person how he or she would like you to apologize. If it offers realistic options, it could be a good prerequisite for reestablishing the relationship. This advice is not always appropriate, so act on the situation. Be especially careful if you are worried that another person might take this chance and start manipulating you. You’re here to make amends, not become his eternal slave.
Do not repeat the mistake. Offending someone twice is a sure way to completely undermine a person’s trust. If you want to keep the friendship, try never to hurt him intentionally again. Do your best to be a reliable, attentive friend. It is impossible to be perfect but you can do your best to be reliable.
Resolve the conflict to move on. Regardless of the results of your attempts to make amends, it is important not to feel sorry for yourself and not to look for the culprit. Even if you couldn’t do it right, at least you tried.
Focus on the future and try not to worry about what happened.
Even if you didn’t get to make up with this man because he decided it was over between you, make the decision never to hurt another man in the same way again.
Learn your lessons. Relying on your experience, try to be patient with those who can repeat your mistake. And not only because you understand them like no other, but also because you are able to help them get out of this situation.
Forgive yourself and live in the present. Even if something did not work out, be grateful for this experience. Forgiving yourself, you will be able to calm down.
Disputes are a part of life in most relationships. Misunderstandings or quarrels, which managed of well-make amends, indeed can do you closer to each other, help better understand each other and forgive shortcomings.
Accept your own mistakes before you apologize.
There are times when you have to apologize for someone, usually a family member or a close friend, for whom you feel responsible. Once in a similar situation, try not to take the blame, so as not to hurt yourself. Remember that we are responsible for our own behavior.
If you are constantly confident in your rightness, then this is the way to make yourself unhappy. Remember that everyone has an opinion different from yours. This does not mean that someone else’s opinion is necessarily wrong, it’s just different. Your opinion is just one of millions of other opinions, and so in order not to spend a lifetime in conflict, you must learn to keep your heart and mind open. Work on being able to accept both your own opinion and the opinion of another person. Just say, ” Your opinion/judgment / view is different from mine.” Be tolerant of other people.